Owen the barbarian!
To explain Luke’s disappearance to Beru, I decided to get crafty. I got a hold of one of his colorful robes, tore it to pieces, soaked it in Jawa blood, and showed it to her. I told her he must have been attacked by sand people and viciously slain. Beru started to wail and cry like a baby! I went on to describe many of the Tusken Raiders’ torture techniques in great detail, but this only upset her further. I couldn’t understand; Luke wasn’t her real son, what’s the big deal! I told the irrational woman to look on the bright side; at least now we don’t have to feed and shelter the little brat, and this means more money to sink into the theme park. But nothing I said made her feel better. You just can’t talk to unreasonable people!
I had to get out of that madhouse, so I drove the speeder to the Mos Eisley cantina for a quick drinks. After about seven strong ones, I drove home. I was shocked to find Beru still upset over the Luke thing! On the flip side, Dad kept laughing hysterically at the poor boy’s demise. What a jerk! Beru started going off about giving Luke a proper burial, and how I would have to find his remains, and all this crap. Where the heck am I going to find human remains that resemble Luke?
Just to shut her up, I told Beru I would drive down to the Tusken encampment and kill all the sand people, rescue Luke’s mangled body, and return a hero. But because I was still very buzzed, I didn’t feel like it was safe to drive, so I only drove about a quarter-mile and parked near Lordo’s Gorge. I had a magazine in the speeder, so I read it for a while to kill some time. After I had read it cover to cover, I headed back home. I told Beru that I killed fifty-seven sand people with my bare hands, but there was no trace of Luke’s corpse. I told her they must have eaten his remains. Dad licked his lips at that part.
Beru kept giving me a death stare, and in a second, I realized why. Just then, Luke walked in the room from the kitchen. He was eating a sandwich, and when he saw me, gave me a similar look. What had happened, apparently, is that my meddling neighbor, Obi-Wan Kenobi, somehow sensed that Luke was in danger, and took it upon himself to rescue Luke from the traveling circus. He brought Luke home while I was out heroically fighting the sand people. What gall he has to get into our business. I hate him again!
I knew what was coming next, so I darted out of the house and into my land speeder. I figured I would go spend the night at the construction site. Those guys like me.