OBI-WAN THE MURDERER

My name is Owen Lars, moisture farmer extraordinaire. My step-brother, Anakin Skywalker, was betrayed and murdered by his mentor, Obi-wan Kenobi. I know this because Watto told me. This blog site is intended to raise awareness in the greater Mos Eisley area that this criminal is at large, living in our community, and what I, and hopefully others who care, plan to do about it.

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The truth shines in

It’s just now that I’m over the initial shock of it all, and I can finally document the latest developments. Five days ago, as the newspaper article suggested, Dad, Beru, and Watto were arrested after the bloody shoot-out with police. The reporter who wrote the article took a few liberties in his rendition of the story, however. It seems that in his hurry to get this major story out, he didn’t fact-check, and what was initially reported was greatly embellished.

For example, although Beru did, indeed, get caught making out with Dad in the cantina, she never picked up a blaster rifle and never fired a shot. She was released after two days in the clink and turned over to her parents once the prosecuting attorney’s office realized they had nothing on her. I spent the last few days in Mos Eisely trying to sort through this mess, and was present when Beru was released. Because her parents were giving me dagger-eyes, we went off to the park to talk.

I asked the villainous woman why she was in Mos Eisely last Thursday and why she was making out with my father. Beru explained to me that she was on her way to my homestead to grab a few things she left behind when she moved away, and she stopped to get gas in Mos Eisely. She bumped into Watto and Dad as they were heading into the cantina. They offered her a drink, and she obliged. She stated that Dad must have put something in her drink while she was in the bathroom, because she soon began feeling and acting very strange.

Before she knew it, Dad was kissing her and Watto was making a home movie of it. When she finally snapped out of it, she was surrounded by bloody corpses. She cried as she told me the story. Before leaving, Beru made it quite clear that she didn’t want to have anything to do with me or my family ever again. I wasn’t sure, but I could almost swear she flipped me the bird as she drove away in her parent’s speeder.

As for Dad and Watto, the prosecutor seemed to have a pretty air-tight case against them. I got to visit with Dad for five minutes behind blaster-proof glass. I didn’t even know what to say to him. What a scumbag he is; trying to steal my old girlfriend! All Dad would say was that he desperately needed some death sticks, and that I needed to sneak them to him somehow. Yeah, right!

In a quest for the truth, I asked him point-blank if he was the Jawa serial killer, and he told me he wasn’t. I believed him. I spent a couple of days looking for a defense attorney, but one found me. Jase Vulcan, regarded as the shrewdest defense lawyer on Tatooine, sought me out and offered to represent Dad. It seems Mr. Vulcan loves the spotlight, and this case was by far the biggest thing to hit the news in the last twenty years. With his representation, I think Dad has half a chance.

Watto, on the other hand, has a court-appointed attorney who is fresh out of law school. He’s so screwed.

Lars- out!

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