OBI-WAN THE MURDERER

My name is Owen Lars, moisture farmer extraordinaire. My step-brother, Anakin Skywalker, was betrayed and murdered by his mentor, Obi-wan Kenobi. I know this because Watto told me. This blog site is intended to raise awareness in the greater Mos Eisley area that this criminal is at large, living in our community, and what I, and hopefully others who care, plan to do about it.

20051011

A little bit of torture

BEATING:

Pronunciation: 'bE-ti[ng]
Function: noun
1 : an act of striking with repeated blows so as to injure or damage; also : the injury or damage thus inflicted

BEAT:

Inflected Form(s): beat; beat·en 'bE-t&n/; or beat; beat·ing
transitive senses
1 : to strike repeatedly: a : to hit repeatedly so as to inflict pain -- often used with up b : to walk on : Tread c : to strike directly against forcefully and repeatedly : dash against d : to flap or thrash at vigorously e : to strike at in order to rouse game; also : to range over in or as if in quest of game

These are the dictionary definitions, as I understand them, for what I’ve been experiencing since I was taken hostage by Tusken Raiders last Thursday. They escorted me in shackles to their village just outside of Mos Viggo and locked me in a hut. I haven’t had time to write since my capture because I was busy getting bashed, battered, belted, bludgeoned, buffeted, bung (up), clubbed, drubbed, flogged, hammered, hided, laced, lambasted, licked, mauled, pelted, pommeled, pounded, pummeled, thrashed, thumped, walloped, whaled, whipped, assailed, attacked, boxed, busted, caned, chopped, clobbered, clouted, cracked, cudgeled, cuffed, hit, horsewhipped, knocked, lashed, laid on, pasted, punched, slapped, smacked, smashed, socked, spanked, swatted, swiped, thwacked, whacked, gored, lacerated, wounded, maimed, mangled, and mutilated.

All in all, it’s been a bad few days. On top of all of that, from my small prison window I had a clear view of the neighborhood where the Whitesuns live. On Sunday I spotted Beru coming down her driveway to meet a man. I thought he was with the electric company, but when I saw them kissing passionately, I figured I was wrong. How the heck could Beru move on so fast?! What is she, some sort of floozy? Besides that, she’s not even that attractive; how did she find a man just like that? Or- maybe I find her even MORE attractive now. Hmmm-

Earlier today he was out there again, and they kissed as they greeted. I was starting to get sick of this crap. As soon as I get out of this prison I’m going to march right up to this clown and bravely hire somebody to beat him up really bad. Maybe I could convince one of the Raiders; they’re kind of good at it. Speaking of that, I got to go. They should be here any minute for my nightly torture. How I wish I was back in that bantha’s butt!

Lars- out!

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