OBI-WAN THE MURDERER

My name is Owen Lars, moisture farmer extraordinaire. My step-brother, Anakin Skywalker, was betrayed and murdered by his mentor, Obi-wan Kenobi. I know this because Watto told me. This blog site is intended to raise awareness in the greater Mos Eisley area that this criminal is at large, living in our community, and what I, and hopefully others who care, plan to do about it.

20051005

Revelations

My R2 unit came back from Obi-Wan’s place with more information than I could have ever expected. It seems in his haste to conjure up his dead Jedi friend, Obi-Wan neglected to close the front door, and R2 had a perfect shot of his living room. R2 videotaped the entire scene. When he replayed it for me, I was shocked beyond belief.

First of all, Obi-Wan addressed his dead friend as Qui-Gon Jinn, his old Jedi master. He then told Qui-Gon that Anakin was still alive in the form of Darth Vader. I almost soiled myself when I heard this. Also, he claimed that Anakin was now evil and obsessed with power, and is preparing to take over the entire galaxy with Emperor Palpatine. Obi-Wan expressed concern that Vader might find him hiding out on Tatooine, and instructed Qui-Gon to relay this information to Master Yoda on Dagobah.

When the hologram ended, I just sat there, dumbstruck. Could this be true? It must be true, I mean, why would Obi-Wan lie to a ghost? So my brother is still alive! What great news! But wait a second- he’s evil now. Wait, go back again- Obi-Wan never killed Anakin. That means he’s not a murderer, after all. That means I have no reason to hate him. Oh, boy, this was WAY too much information to process at one time. I needed a drink something awful.

On my way out to the speeder I ran into Carl. He was just returning from the Wass Kombil hit. I asked him if his mission was successful, and he produced for me the head of a dead Jawa. I congratulated Carl and instructed him to bury the head in the sand. I was so pleased with my slave that I invited him to have drinks with me. On the way to the bar we stopped by the jail to visit Dad. He was ecstatic that the key witness in his trial was now dead. I took the opportunity to fill Dad in about Anakin being alive, and how he’s now a Sith Lord named Darth Vader.

Dad seemed stunned by this news, and then said something that I hadn’t thought of yet. If Vader finds out where Luke is, he could challenge Beru for custody, being his biological parent, and all. Dad’s right, I’ll have to call Beru and apprise her of all these new developments. I just hope that Mr. Whitesun doesn’t answer, because he’ll hang up on me.

Lars- out!

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